Conflicts exist in all relationships, while some are solvable, some are perpetual. It is very important to know if a problem is perpetual or solvable. According to research, more than 50% of relationship conflicts are linked to perpetual problems. To understand relationship conflicts and how they can be solved, one must understand what perpetual problems, resolvable problems and gridlocked perpetual problems are.
What are Solvable Problems?
Solvable problems in relationships are based on situations. These problems could be about bringing up kids, house chores, in-laws, work stress, etc. and they can be solved. These problems are very relative because what is considered to be solvable in a relationship might be a perpetual problem in another relationship.
What are Perpetual Problems?
Perpetual problems are unresolvable; they occur due to fundamental differences in personalities, lifestyle needs, preferences, backgrounds and values which eventually creates conflicts in relationships. Perpetual problems keep coming up over and over again. Solvable problems can become perpetual problems, if couples refuse to talk about them.
What are Gridlocked Perpetual Problems?
These are perpetual problems partners or couples have refused to talk about or find “uncomfortable” to discuss. Gridlocked perpetual problems eventually result to emotional disengagement. If these problems are not handled properly, it could lead to break up.
All these problems are very relative, depending on how couples handle them. Good communication between partners is very important in relationships; the most important thing here isn’t about solving perpetual problems but the attitude of couples towards them. What matters most is creating an atmosphere to discuss these problems, resulting to accepting your partner with affection and humor in order to cope with the unsolvable problem.
When perpetual problems are not discussed, they lead to gridlocked problems which aren’t healthy for any relationship; these problems only lead to cold silence, exchanges of painful words, defensiveness and criticism.
What are the Common Solvable Problems in Relationships?
All relationships experience both solvable and unsolvable problems. Here are four common solvable problems in romantic relationships:
- Work stress
- House Chores
Every relationship is saddled with emotional tasks which need to be accomplished. This boils down to partners understanding each other, relationships need understanding for both parties’ security. Below are four common issues couples go through and how they can be solved.
This appears to be a common problem in relationships. Some partners do not know how to manage work stress. We all go through stress, it might be a busy day at work, stress from house chores etc. According to research, stress and strains from work affects the quality of our relationships. Work stress makes partners become distracted, less affectionate, and more withdrawn in the relationship.
You have to understand the difference between your work and your relationship. Don’t bring your work stress home thereby allowing it to destroy your relationship. You can do well to discuss your daily routine with each other, this is called ritual connection. Work stress can be an unavoidable issue but can be prevented from harming a relationship; this depends on how partners choose to cope with it.
When your partner snaps at you, don’t react in an angry way, you should understand that he or she might have had a bad day at work. Another way to distress yourself in relationships is figuring out what makes you relax; this could be through playing games, hugging your partner, going for a run, listening to your favorite music etc. Discuss work stress with each other and the difficulties both of you are going through, this will help you understand each other better.
It is no doubt that money has great impact in relationships, no matter how romantic the relationship is. Most couples have issues with money in their marriages and this boils down to how to save for what is needed and how to spend. It is normal to have conflict over how money is spent, since money is very important in relationships. Although money cannot buy love, but it can make or mar a relationship.
Studies have found out that couples who go through financial stress are likely to be less satisfied in their relationships; this could make some partners unfriendly, uncommunicative and aggressive. Some even blame their partners for their financial problems.
Spending habits could also have impacts in relationships. For instance, when couples have the same attitude towards money, such relationships tend to have less or no problem with money. Imagine a miser and a squanderer as partners, in this kind of relationship, financial issues will definitely arise because of the differences in financial habits.
It is best for couples to have budgets that will serve as a guideline on how to spend. Before making a budget, try to have a good conversation about money and discuss any financial issue with your partner. Most times couples find it difficult to discuss their financial issues in a calm manner.
Many people do not understand that money carries emotional weight in relationships. Studies revealed that most arguments about money isn’t about money itself but has more to do with the manner in which it was discussed.
Another aspect of money that cannot be overlooked is money sharing. Couples need to set their priorities right, try and figure out their needs, and go for the very important ones. In order to avoid financial arguments, it is advisable for couples to always consult each other before purchasing anything.
When your partner complains about how you spend money on unnecessary things, don’t be too defensive about it, try and understand your partner and look into it.
There are so many things that keep partners distracted in relationships. When a relationship lacks good communication, it becomes an unhealthy one. How much time should couples spend with each other? Well there is no specific amount of time couples should spend with each other but they should ensure they do so often, no matter how busy they might be.
There are so many distractions in relationships, this include our digital devices; the amount of time some couples spend on their digital devices is far more than the amount of time they spend conversing with each other. This is totally wrong. If your partner complains that you spend more time on your phone than that which you spend with him or her, then you have to take it serious and look into it even if you disagree.
Spending quality time with your partner makes him or her feel important. When your partner starts feeling less important in the relationship, this could result to conflict. You have to know that nothing is more important than your relationship.
This is another aspect that might raise issues in relationships. Both partners need to help each other and understand that house chores shouldn’t be left alone in the care of just one partner. When you leave your partner to do the whole chores, such partner feels bitter, stressed, less appreciated, and less satisfied.
Most times, men are termed the “slacker” in the house. It is said that men most times tend to overestimate the amount of house chores they do. In a study, when wives were asked what stresses them, many responded that, it is the fact their spouse refuse to help in house chores. Partaking in household chores shows that you care about your partner; it is also a way of spending time with each other.
Partners should discuss house chores, and split them up so that both parties have a fair share of the chores. Splitting house chores helps to improve satisfaction and stability in relationship. Create time to make a list of household chores, figure out what each of you likes and hates doing and then encourage each other to do his/her own share of the chores. When both partners do their share, they tend to be more satisfied with each other.
You do not need to force your partner to help in house chores rather let him/her see the reasons why the house chores need to be shared. Have a plan for each week, discuss how your week is going to be like, the errands, meetings etc. and then decide who will accomplish each tasks.
All relationships have both solvable and unsolvable problems. Since unsolvable problems are as a result of our differences in values, preferences, personalities and background, they are unavoidable. These problems are bound to exist; they do not ultimately serve as threat to relationships when handled properly.
Some problems need some time to be solved because you cannot force your partner to change. The most important thing you need to do when unsolvable problems arise is to talk about it in a way that would not make you resent your partner.
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