Couples may find the Sex topic quite uncomfortable. A good number of us at some point in time have been sexually rejected or our bodies make us feel embarrassed. There are other cases where life experiences and our culture have made intimate and romantic sex in relationship a scary topic to discuss.
A research was carried out in 24 countries which involved 70,000 people revealing that couples that have a wonderful sex life made sex a priority in their marriage. They make out time for connection and intimacy. Also, they usually talk about sex and nothing comes before their relationship. They get sexual pleasure not just through sexual intercourse but through several other methods.
Couples that are sexually satisfied are emotionally linked to each other either inside or outside the bedroom. Long-term happiness either sexually or otherwise can be achieved when both partners value and support their friendship. Below are five major steps you can take to make sex more romantic and intimate in your relationship.
Learn To Have Intimate Sex Talk
Talking about sex is one big obstacle to experiencing good sex. Since it could be a sensitive topic, most couples just vague out rather than tell each other their needs. A small percentage of couples (9%) who were not comfortable talking about sex with their partners reported that they got sexual satisfaction. Having a sex talk with your partner is a reliable method to strengthen emotional connection and intimacy. With this, partners can reveal their likes and dislikes and work hand in hand in order to build a purposeful sexual relationship as well as make sex more romantic and intimate
Sex Should Be Redefined
Each partner brings their individual unique attitude and perception about sex to the relationship, which is largely dependent on their experiences in life. Most of us went through sex education back in school, maybe you were even given a textbook which became very technical about physiology and human anatomy, but you might never have had any talk about sex in your relationship. You never learnt the necessary skills to communicate, deal with difficult moments and discuss sex with someone you love. And so, when you got into a sexual relationship, you were ashamed of your desires.
Most relationship books don’t talk much about sex, which reflects what majority of couples do whenever it’s time for sex talk. As a guy, you could even grow up with the idea that your masculinity is defined by sex, so it will become more of your technique rather than having an intimate conversation with your spouse.
Most times, men are concerned about their performance while women are concerned about reaching orgasms. Sadly, any sex in relationship that is goal-oriented could cause sexual dysfunction whenever the goal isn’t achieved. Partners will begin to feel that they have something wrong with them. This pressure easily tells us why most of us are self-conscious about sex talk.
Rather than focus on the outcome, couples should take it slow and enjoy the entire experience. Any time you turn towards your partner, you build intimacy and trust.
When sex is redefined, partners will find their physical relationship very pleasurable as this will make sex more romantic and intimate. Ironically, freeing yourself of the stress of reaching orgasm makes it very easy for you to have one.
Build Love Maps
A Love Map is a form of guide that turns your couple on and off in an erotic manner. Understanding this ensures a lovely sex life. This is possible by asking your partner questions about what they need and desire.
Last time we had sex, what felt good?
- What were the things we did that turned you on?
- Tell me those things we did that made you relax?
- What were the things we did that made you feel connected and closer to me?
What things do you desire to make you have a better sex experience?
- What are the things you need to get into the sex mood?
- What are the thoughts or fantasies that come to your mind when having sex?
- What things make sex feel more like lovemaking for you?
Create Rituals For Sex Initiation and Refusal
You should simply tell your partner you’re feeling horny rather than assume your partner should read your mind. This idea is false and the depth of your intimate relationship will be limited.
Furthermore, learning the right way to say no to your partner without hurting him or her is also as important as learning to cope anytime your partner says no to you.
Saying yes to your Partner
While most of us hope our partners can be so attuned to us that they can freely open up when they have sexual urge, most times, the signs we give aren’t that obvious. Talk with your partner about the various signs, nonverbal and verbal, that you can look forward to or count on.
You don’t have to make your ritual so elaborate. You can make it simple by rubbing the back of your partner in a unique way, which gives them the option to decline in a kind manner or continue with the connection.
Saying No to your partner
There are certain times, when you don’t feel like having sex. The proper way to maintain emotional connection is to refuse sex in a gentle manner
Either partner refusing sex has to be okay and if possible, rewarding. As unreasonable as this may sound, giving your partner a positive response for saying No, could lead to more sex.
Witholding physical affection, withdrawing emotionally or guilt tripping your partner for refusing you sex means your sex bid was not a bid but a demand. The major difference between a bid and a demand is your behavior whenever your partner refuses. It becomes a demand when you withdraw or criticize and it’s a bid when you show empathy towards the needs of your partner anytime they refuse.
Questions to ask when your partner refuses sex:
- What can I do when you’re not in the mood?
- Whenever I feel horny and you seem not to feel the same way, do you feel good saying no? What are the things you need from me to make you feel comfortable saying no?
- If I’m really in the mood for sex and you seem to be on the fence about it, what do you want me to do? Are you cool with me helping you get in the mood?
Making your sex life better doesn’t just happen. Put in some effort to keep talking about sex in your relationship. Ask questions and be inquisitive about the desires of your partner.
Doing this, your partner will feel free to express their needs to feel loved, which will make you both stay emotionally connected and make sex more romantic and intimate.